Blogpost 8: What to do with your Crush?

There are lots of people in the world; handsome people, beautiful people, they're all over the place. But why is there only a handful of people that catches your attention? And maybe a person or two that you want to get involved with? Liking someone is part of your own taste and preferences in choosing a partner. But isn't it frustrating that no matter how hard you try, she just doesn't like you back? Do you even got to the point where you question yourself, "Is it just me or she just likes someone else?" Life's a bitch, they say. But don't worry, my friend. I'm here to clear your cloudy thoughts.

Upon reading "Ramon Bautista's book-Bakit Hindi Ka Crush ng Crush Mo?"- here are things that you should do when it comes to your crush!

Number one: Never admit that you had a crush on them before. Because it's hard to lose a nice reputation of being a person with the taste! 

Number Two: Whenever she tries talking to you, pretend that you are busy or not interested. Let your best friend do all the talking with her, then ask about it later. 

Number Three: Since you've already moved on, it's time to delete all of her pictures in your computer! You shouldn't reminisce the past when she dumped you. 

Number Four: Post happy pictures of your self! It's a subtle way of thanking God that you guys didn't get together. 

And Lastly Pretend that you don't remember her. Do this when with cool friends! You are now popular, and they will think that she is one of your stalkers!

Think I'm done? Well guess what? There's more! If you want to get even with the girl who dumped you, here are the things you must do. Ready?

First, don't give a reply to her texts, tweets, and FB messages. Hashtag mysterious effect. Second, tell everyone that she has a crush on you! Third, be rich, so that she'll regret not being with you more!Fourth, if you will ever see her, borrow money! It's okay because she likes you anyway!And lastly, fifth, go and dump her! That's what you call karma!

Remember: it's hard to get friendzoned, but it surely is easy to get even!

Blogpost 7: Understanding Rejection

People have always known that rejection sucks. But have they always known why they are being rejected? We were always taught to behave nicely and be good so that people will accept us. But no matter how good we do, rejection keeps on reaching you.
I found an article entitled "Rejection: A Loser's Guide" by  Adoree Durayappah in the website "psycologytoday". According to the article, The human mind is said to always find a reasonable explanation for the situations it faces. If people reject you constantly, you should think of the following: They are jealous of you, they are afraid of you, they are currently interested in someone else, they’re ignoring you back, they unintentionally are ignoring you, and you have done something unknowingly against them. These are the things that probably gave reason as to why they don’t like you.

In my opinion, definitely, rejecting is never a good thing. When rejected, we feel and view ourselves as passive, unable to do anything. Rejection deals greater with our psychology even greater when we break it down. First, we are stunned and disoriented. Then, we get this feeling of hopelessness and helplessness. And if lucky, you get to feel better again after a short period of time. For some people, they remain in the hopelessness stage, wherein depression starts to arise.

Moreover, it is found that unexpected social rejection is associated with the nervous system and basically makes the rejected’s heart rate fall. And in different scenarios of being rejected, the heart fall down different heart rates. This includes different forms of rejections such as experiencing an outcome unfavourable to what you anticipated and hear negative points instead of postivie opinions.

Another article entitled "Dealing with rejection" by Farouk Radwan in the website "2knowmyself". It is mentioned in the article that we are sensitive to rejection, a reason why we take caution especially when socializing. We always look for acceptance and belongingness. In my opinion, There are people who is  not good with dealing with loss or that feeling of being rejected. One reason is said to be that people tend to view the significance of something lost than it be gained. 

Derived from here is most likely the reason why you never find out how important something is until it is lost. This brings us to the Prospect Theory. It says that people make realistic decision and risk than be simply practical.

Interestingly, rejection is also the reason why we try to not make the same mistakes or at least be reluctant to take risks. Learned helplessness theory, the act of not responding to open opportunities, has proven that people would rather be idle that be hurt as whatever these people do would be ineffective anyway. We would often feel that what we did was so wrong it did not produce what we want to happen.  This also happens even if we do not act, sometimes being just an observer to other who experience uncontrollable events trigger our state of being “helpless”

Moreover, we also get to the point when we realize that we will fail even before starting, thus we would try less to avoid being rejected. Ironically, this idea is the exact reason why we would most likely fail. Not because of being such a pessimist but the exact effort we put in what we’ll do. A research showed that the belief of succeeding or failing influences how much effort we use. The level of how hard the individual performed depends on if he or she thinks will fail or otherwise.

Lastly, these sudden events bring us to catastrophizing, wherein we make an even bigger deal out of what we just experienced. Individuals who catastrophize and who tend to irrationally fear bad events, consequences, even death, are more likely to die from accidents or violent death. Knowing these things are enough for you to realize and understand what will happen the next time you got rejected. Thus I say, before you learn to be helpless, try to act to prevent further damage to your self and to damage others.

Blogpost 6: Rejection

Rejection is a part of life, and dealing with rejection successfully is a valuable skill set which could mean the difference between failure and high achievement in life. Under any circumstance, rejection should never be taken personally. When we are rejected, we feel not only halted, but pushed back in the opposite direction of which we were headed. This indicates how we feel about the part we play in rejection. 

On the road to healing we first have to deal with the truth about how we really feel about why we were rejected and the person who rejected us. How do we feel about the rejection we experienced? Most of all how we really feel about ourselves? Hurt and pain describe mental suffering as well as physical suffering, leading us to wonder if the sensations weren't activating the same parts of the brain. From everyday experience, rejection seems to be one of the most painful things we experience, It seems the feelings of rejection can be sustained even longer than being punch. 


I found an article entitled "Rejection Really Hurts" by Kipling D. William in the website "sciencedaily". At first glance, this article caught my attention because it is a strange perception of the topic to me.


This article explain the true meaning of being rejected, most people have experienced rejection at one point or another. Whether from an unrequited love, getting fired from a job, or outcast from a friend group, experiencing rejection may elicit an almost corporeal pain. That reaction is actually extremely normal; emotional and physical pain are actually intricately connected, especially in the case of social rejection. Think what was it that made the relationship a failure. Examine what you want with your partner and what are the things, which you are willing to give. Be realistic and you would soon find the love of your life. 

This article explained that because of rejection we are not only hurt physically but also emotionally, rejection is distinct from other negative emotions it because of the magnitude of the pain the feeling emits to our body that can contribute negative or positive emotions that feeling rejected by others. In fact, rejected love is essentially what people refer to as the pain of a broken heart. It shown to the article that rejection can be hurt in many forms like heartbreak that can actually elicit physical pain and emotional pain. Because for me rejection is such a strong emotion that can affect the body and actually registers the sensation through a physical pain.




Another article entitled "Why the Pain of Romantic Rejection Feels Like a Punch in the Gut" by Alice park in the website "healthland.time". 

The article talks about pain that could have implications for understanding why feelings related to romantic rejection can be hard to control, and may provide insight into extreme behaviors associated with rejection that feels like a punch in gut. We all known every one of us feel this pain this occasion gives you time to introspect. Therefore pain of romantic rejection is considered to be feels like a punch in the gut, because the pain you might feel is like hurting yourself. In my opinion, pain from any relationship serves as a reminder to treat those we love well so we can avoid that 'slammed in the chest' feeling...which is probably why it hurts more if you're taken by surprise by an abrupt end in comparison to a relationship that ends after a long tenure of misery on both sides.



We view ourselves as passive, as being the victim of an action, as inactive, as non-participative. When faced with unexpected rejection, it’s found that feeling that you are not liked results in our heart rate actually slowing down, an activity of the parasympathetic nervous system. Thus, feeling rejected results in you reacting both psychologically and physically. Mending broken hearts is never an easy job, when it hurts, it hurts like hell, no matter which gender you are. 

Therefore this two remind us how rejection affect the whole part of our body that can be physically, mentally or even emotionally that can be hurt us feels like a punch in the gut. I know being rejected is not a easy problem but we don’t need to blame our self and blame the person who rejected you. Most people have experienced rejection at one point or another. Whether from an unrequited love, getting fired from a job, or outcast from a friend group, experiencing rejection may elicit an almost corporeal pain. That reaction is actually extremely normal.

Blogpost 5: Limerence

It's confusing to know that there are many types of affection. Why do people build affection to a significant other? Why there are different ways? It's not easy to answer these questions that pops out from my mind everytime I read articles about crush and affection, but It really flashes memories and it enhances my knowledge.

As I was browsing in the internet, I found a article entitled "Is it a Big Crush or Limerence?" by Layla Quinn in the website "Lovepanky". In the article, it says that appreciating a person has dark areas. It is called "limerence". When you look at it, it's unlikely to be negative but it is. What i understand about limerence is that it's a feeling of something but nothing. It's confusion, partly infatuation, partly questionable. For example, you like a person but you only want her attention but not her as a whole. You just want to make yourself the knight-in-shining-armor and nothing else. It's just like you want her to admire you in a way that she needs you. Moreover, Limerence can also be an obsession. For example, you fantasize your significant other in a way that it's like fairytale for the two of you. Limerence, for me is not love because you only want attention and nothing else. Relationships built from limerence can cause conflicts and soon, breakups. Limerence to another person is not the type of affection to pursue and it should be avoided because it may cause trouble to the other party. It's like you're lifting up yourself without care about the person you like. Seeing this article makes me think that individuals who have this kind of affection can be arrogant at times and irritating.

Limerence is very far from love, as written in the article, is legit. Love is something that can't be compared to anything because love conquers all and holds the true meaning of happiness. Love makes the world. Unlike, limerence, it's just a minor subject. Even though, it's a grey area of affection, it can also be positive in it's own way. Limerence can also be love when the sun rises. It means, when the significant other you admire fell in love with you and you felt the happiness coming in, it will eventually be love.

Another article entitled "Why do people have crushes on other people?" by Caterina Pangallo in the website "askaphilosopher". It is stated in the article that "When you figure out that your crush is unreachable, you look for something that would give equal satisfaction." The truth is having a crush is a part of growing up. Nothing stops us form talking freely, except that major loophole in our psychology. When we try to exhibit publicly or at least tell our feelings to our crush, and that wasn’t reciprocated, we get this feeling of being hurt. It is easy to say that telling them is a piece of cake. If they say yes, it’s a score; otherwise, it shouldn’t be a deal. But when you’re on it, you don’t exactly consider going through a thought process to figure things out, instead a guilty conscience prevents us from talking about our crushes to anyone. In addition, we fear the thought of being rejected. This include, as I said before, being hurt, and/or get disrespected. Rejection gives you the difficulty when asking someone, anyone out and this does not exclude asking out someone you know well. When you are rejected, especially by someone you cared for or you have a crush on the most, it hurts the ego. The ego is you identity to show the world, and when the ego is damaged, it leaves a person deflated, confused.

Thus, the fear of rejection stops you from expressing what you feel. Initially, this is not a problem. During our childhood, we are exposed to criticisms and rejections. We get told of don’t do this and that much that eventually, we got to be sensitive of these criticisms and rejections. Many people carry this burden and build certain personalities around this. These are probably the people who cannot simply open up and force anyone to tell “it” to their crush.

 

Crushes can ease out when the subject of affection’s course is changed, and at the same time, it can also return to where it has been. The latter having the ability to have a stronger emotion. To have a crush is a fantasy. It goes up and down your emotional spectrum. When you find reality along the way, it gives you the difficulty to cope with life. Being said, you look for something that would give equal satisfaction. You do it until the point you find a new crush or the clarity of your crush being gone or forgotten.

Blogpost 4: Positive Illusions

When the last time you had a crush? What did it feel like? Chances are this experience involved overwhelming feelings of passion, confusion and excitement.  When someone is in this state of crush, thoughts about their partner (or desired partner) always dominate their mind. Thus, a person often thinks about their crush in highly idealized ways; their crush is the most beautiful, intelligent, and compassionate person in the world, and there is no way you can do in order for them to forget their "bubbly" feelings among their crush.

As I was researching about my topic, I found a article about idealizations about your Crush. It is entitled" The Magical Effects of Positive Illusions About Romantic Partners" by John Sakaluk in the website "scienceofrelationship". The article quickly caught my attention because it was something I was aware of. The illusion about your crush is somewhat an interesting issue.

The article talks about the idealizations called positive illusions, can occur at any relationship stage. This brings up an important question: are positive illusions good for relationships, or are you better off having a more realistic assessment of your partner? Your intuition might suggest the latter—that it’s best if you don’t put your partner on a pedestal. After all, your partner is only human and bound to disappoint your ideals at some point.

According to the article that people who idealized their romantic partners more (and were idealized more by their partners) experienced the most satisfaction with their relationships and were happier in them compared to people who idealized their partners less or were idealized by their partners less. 

But there are circumstances where positive illusions don’t help,and can even hurt your relationship. If there are serious problems with your relationship already, for example, then thinking that your partner will live up to your ideal standards may only hasten the demise of your relationship. For instance, if there are serious trust issues between you and your partner, or one of you has troubling money management habits, you’re probably better off opting out of idealization, and going with a more realistic evaluation of your partner. If, however, you find yourself swept up in a crush, or are already in a good relationship where you idealize your partner, continue to dream big. 

Another article entitled, "Psychologists say a crush only lasts for 4 months. But when feelings last longer, you are considered to be in love." by Sira Baldé in the website "factualfacts" instantly caught my attention in the first glance. It was mind blowing because of how do they prove what just they have said and It explains the different aspects and perspectives.

Accordig to the article, "A crush lasts on average for four months, if the feelings is the same beyond that, you're already in love." It is also mentioned in the article that women generally take longer to fall in love than men. 

In my opinion the author generalize all of the factors and stages that transforms from crush to being in love. fwe all know that lust is the first factor of the stage. a feeling, it affects both sexes and it force us to  go out there and look for a mate. The attraction stage  is the second stage, where it is characterised by the typical symptoms of romantic love or strong infatuation between two people. The third and final stage is the attachment stage and is necessary if the couple in question is to stay in a long-term relationship. and this is maybe the stages that could happen in four months.

Maybe the reason for women taking longer to fall in love is because, women wants to be sure of their guys if they are reliable or somewhat building trust with them and can already cope up with the realization of the outside world. While men on the other hand, are generally more attracted to looks, and the energy of woman in the moment. I conclude that this particular fact may be more fitting for men than women.

Illusionss have their own individual themes but they all teach a certain lesson or value to people. In my opinion, positive illusions focuses on how you idealize your partner. It is necessarily the kind of ideas that people have in relationship. The ideas being shown in the article is the ideal and love for  crush and partner. 

Blogpost 3: Psycho-attractive

Each person has a certain way of assessing the attractiveness of others. This way is usually developed as a result of the experiences a person goes through in his life. If a person was raised without being cared for that much then there is a big possibility that he will be more attracted to kind and nurturing people.

Contrary to common beliefs your level of attractiveness is not constant but it keeps changing continuously based on your actions, behavior and thoughts. Research has shown that both men and women can change their perception of someone's attractiveness without any changes happening to his physical looks if few small things that count were changed.

I found a artcle entitled "How the brain reacts to attractiveness" by Nancy Etcoff in the website "intro2psych.wordpress." I was very curious in the topic because I had the opportunity to read if how the brain reacts to attractiveness. It interested me to find what the author meant in his title.

According to the article, when we are attracted to someone, the reward centers of our brain is on fire. Its means that a person might become addicted to the beauty of the person that they are attracted to. It can lead a person to be in love with the attractive person. Nancy also said that our brains can easily differentiate the levels of attractiveness that a person see when they are attracted. 

According to John Buri, we have a powerful wave of neurotransmitters that sent our way as our initial attraction to the person that we are attracted to. Our brain can create a different rewards like epinephrine, dopamine, phenyl ethylamine and endorphins. Studies shows that attractive people are more successful in life than those who are not. Our brain seems to suggest that the beauty of a person is important enough to receive a chemical stimulus that can help us to motivate ourselves. In addition, human beings wants to see attractive people in their daily lives to inspire them or to be in love with someone. Being attracted to the beauty of other people is like becoming addicted to drugs.

This blog post on how a person and their brain perceives.This experiment proved that men who believe a woman to be more attractive will think she is more friendly as well, mostly due to how friendly the men act towards her in the first place. I think this blog post as well as the experiment prove how unfair it is for people who are found “un-attractive” in our society because they will be perceived not only seem less attractive than their competitors but not as kind and personable too. 

The article said that attraction is the same as addiction in drugs. Yes, indeed. You are not attracted to the drugs when you're only seeing it but you're attracted to it when you have tasted it and felt it. The same with attraction to people, you are not attracted to the person by just seeing her but when you felt her beauty as a person. When you take drugs, it increases the release of dopamine and when you're attracted, it increases the level of happiness you feel inside. That's why when you're attracted to someone, you start to like them because you don't want the happiness to disappear.

Another article that I've found is entitled "Attractiveness perception psychology" by Farouk Radwan in the website 2knowmyself.

The article talks about the different perception of attractiveness according to psychology. First is the ease of processing, It was founded that people find faces which are easier to process by their brains more attractive. Second is Familiarity and attractiveness. People get more attracted to faces they are familiar with. This means that complete strangers might find you less attractive then your acquaintances. Next is Similarity and attractiveness People might become attracted to those who have facial features that are similar to them, to one of their parents or to a person they loved before. Next, Non physical traits that affects attractiveness, Psychologists found that non physical traits such as courage , sense of humor or self confidence greatly affect the perception of attractiveness. Next is culture and the perception of attractiveness, In some cultures ,that are to a certain extent isolated from the western definition of beauty, fat women are considered much more attractive than slim women. So your perception of attractiveness is also affected by your culture to a certain extent. And lasty, attention, Some people have been brought up in such a way that they need more attention than others. Those people are very likely to get attracted to those who have features that are rare among their culture.

It is also stated that the perception of attractiveness is not stable and it changes from one person to another. Even for the same person new factors might happen that affect his own perception of attractiveness and so forces him to change his opinion about the attractiveness of others

In my opinion, being beautiful is attractive. But, do people really are attracted to the physical beauty of a person? I don't really know. Some people are easily attracted to those people who are gorgeous or photogenic like that and becoming infatuated eventually while other people who has values and standards are not easily attracted for a reason that they are finding factors for them to be attracted. Attraction is not just being beautiful but heart-fulfilling. For example, I have a friend who's not that pretty but very fun to be with. I'm really attracted to her because when I see her smile, hear her laugh and feel her presence, I feel something coming out from my brain going to my heart that makes me really happy. I'm not attracted to her because she's beautiful, but she's happy to be with. So we can say that it is not beauty that makes a person attractive but her presence as a beautiful person. Do you get the point? What makes the stimulation in your brain is not what you see but what you feel and the feeling af attractiveness is not constant.




“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” Maybe this phrase should be changed to, “Beauty is in the brain of the beholder.” I  believe that people pick and choose beauty based on cultural and societal definitions of attractiveness. It makes sense that your brain fires more when seeing an attractive person.  From a scientific point of view, it’s interesting that our brains are actually hard-wired to react to beauty. 

Blogpost 2: Attractiveness

Physical attractiveness is a factor on "Crush" but what most people don't know is that physical attraction itself can be alerted based upon the person's perception.

Thus we find people physically attractive even if they were average looking if we found out that they can help us fulfill our emotional needs.

This means that while there are universal standards for attractiveness imposed on us by globalization still attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder to a great extent.

As I was browsing in the internet, expounding my topic "Crush" because definitely the greatest factor in such feeling is physical attraction. I found a article namely "Physical Attraction: What Do Men Notice First In A Woman?" written by "Briana Booker" in the website "examiner". 

According to the articlcle the first thing that men are attracted to a woman is of course their physical appearance. Men usually notice the Hair, Clothes and legs of a woman. If a woman has a great style of Hair, dresses up so nice and have a long legs they find it so attractive and sexy. As if, that woman has a perfect features. But when it comes to men finding a woman who can be their partner as girlfriend or can be their wife, Men prefer to have women who have a big respect on herself, A women who treats herself like a princess, A women who loves herself more than anyone in this world and a women who is true to herself.

There are men who say that, “Once that Hair, Clothes and legs of a woman is there, it’s all down to personality.” But whatever men notice about the physical appearance of a woman, the important thing is women should establish their self of being who they really are and don’t listen to what other people say or think about them. Just be yourself and live your life according to what you really want and what makes you happy.

Another article namely "Physical attraction psychology" written by Farouk Radwan in the website "2knowmyself". The article quickly caught my attention because it was something I was aware of about the topic. The psycology is the major aspect of the topic "Crush" for every one.

Before we talk about the main topic of this article, let me give you the meaning of physical attractiveness and what is the difference of Physical attractiveness to Physical Attraction. According to Michael Cunningham, Physical Attractiveness involves the judgment that a person's overt appearance is cute, beautiful, handsome, sexy, nice, fashionable, or desirable while Physical Attraction, it is a desire for sexual intimacy. Now we know the difference of it we can move on to the main topic.

It is stated that there are few Physical Attractiveness explained in Psychology and these are most people consider attractive. First is Symmetry. Your face doesn’t have to be perfectly symmetrical for it to be attractive but most people say that the more symmetrical your face is the more attractive you are in the eyes of other people. Second is Waist to hip ratio, Men become more attracted to women with low waist to hip ratio maybe because they find it sexy to a woman. 

Next is Health. People are considered much more attractive when they are healthy or they have a healthy lifestyle because a healthy person looks better than sick ones. Next, Feminine facial features over other women because men find it to have a beautiful and handsome children that they could have when they marry a woman who have a feminine facial features. Next well built, this is not necessary preferring to a body builder. Women prefer men who have a wider shoulders and narrow waists with minimal belly fats then the Jaws and cheek bones. For women, they prefer to have men who have a bigger jaws and more prominent cheek bones because they find it to a more masculine look to the man.

Well, Even though the previous points are well known in the rules of attraction psychology still you will find many people dating others who don't have many of these features.

This doesn't mean that the previous points are wrong but it only means that there are many factors that affect the overall attractiveness of a person other than the ones mentioned.

People are attracted to physically beautiful people. What is perceived as attractive differs among cultures. Characteristics of the person being observed, as well as the observer, also play a role in attractiveness. 

For instance, when a person is liked more, this person is seen as more physically attractive. We like to be around attractive people because of the esthetic pleasure we obtain, and because interactions with attractive people are generally positive and pleasant. 

The common stereotype of attractive people is that they are warm, friendly, and social. This stereotype becomes self-fulfilling when people act differently around attractive people because of their expectations, which as a result brings out the best in attractive people.