Blogpost 5: Limerence

It's confusing to know that there are many types of affection. Why do people build affection to a significant other? Why there are different ways? It's not easy to answer these questions that pops out from my mind everytime I read articles about crush and affection, but It really flashes memories and it enhances my knowledge.

As I was browsing in the internet, I found a article entitled "Is it a Big Crush or Limerence?" by Layla Quinn in the website "Lovepanky". In the article, it says that appreciating a person has dark areas. It is called "limerence". When you look at it, it's unlikely to be negative but it is. What i understand about limerence is that it's a feeling of something but nothing. It's confusion, partly infatuation, partly questionable. For example, you like a person but you only want her attention but not her as a whole. You just want to make yourself the knight-in-shining-armor and nothing else. It's just like you want her to admire you in a way that she needs you. Moreover, Limerence can also be an obsession. For example, you fantasize your significant other in a way that it's like fairytale for the two of you. Limerence, for me is not love because you only want attention and nothing else. Relationships built from limerence can cause conflicts and soon, breakups. Limerence to another person is not the type of affection to pursue and it should be avoided because it may cause trouble to the other party. It's like you're lifting up yourself without care about the person you like. Seeing this article makes me think that individuals who have this kind of affection can be arrogant at times and irritating.

Limerence is very far from love, as written in the article, is legit. Love is something that can't be compared to anything because love conquers all and holds the true meaning of happiness. Love makes the world. Unlike, limerence, it's just a minor subject. Even though, it's a grey area of affection, it can also be positive in it's own way. Limerence can also be love when the sun rises. It means, when the significant other you admire fell in love with you and you felt the happiness coming in, it will eventually be love.

Another article entitled "Why do people have crushes on other people?" by Caterina Pangallo in the website "askaphilosopher". It is stated in the article that "When you figure out that your crush is unreachable, you look for something that would give equal satisfaction." The truth is having a crush is a part of growing up. Nothing stops us form talking freely, except that major loophole in our psychology. When we try to exhibit publicly or at least tell our feelings to our crush, and that wasn’t reciprocated, we get this feeling of being hurt. It is easy to say that telling them is a piece of cake. If they say yes, it’s a score; otherwise, it shouldn’t be a deal. But when you’re on it, you don’t exactly consider going through a thought process to figure things out, instead a guilty conscience prevents us from talking about our crushes to anyone. In addition, we fear the thought of being rejected. This include, as I said before, being hurt, and/or get disrespected. Rejection gives you the difficulty when asking someone, anyone out and this does not exclude asking out someone you know well. When you are rejected, especially by someone you cared for or you have a crush on the most, it hurts the ego. The ego is you identity to show the world, and when the ego is damaged, it leaves a person deflated, confused.

Thus, the fear of rejection stops you from expressing what you feel. Initially, this is not a problem. During our childhood, we are exposed to criticisms and rejections. We get told of don’t do this and that much that eventually, we got to be sensitive of these criticisms and rejections. Many people carry this burden and build certain personalities around this. These are probably the people who cannot simply open up and force anyone to tell “it” to their crush.

 

Crushes can ease out when the subject of affection’s course is changed, and at the same time, it can also return to where it has been. The latter having the ability to have a stronger emotion. To have a crush is a fantasy. It goes up and down your emotional spectrum. When you find reality along the way, it gives you the difficulty to cope with life. Being said, you look for something that would give equal satisfaction. You do it until the point you find a new crush or the clarity of your crush being gone or forgotten.